Breaking the Cycle: Learning to Feel and Teach Emotions

For many of us in our mid-40s—especially Midwestern males—expressing emotions wasn’t something we were encouraged to do growing up. Instead, we often heard phrases like:

• “Don’t cry.”

• “If you want to cry, I’ll give you something to cry about.”

• “Go to your room if you’re going to cry.”

At the time, those words may have seemed harmless. But beneath them, an unspoken lesson was forming: emotions should be hidden, not felt. Rather than learning how to cope with stress or pain, we were taught to bury it deep down.

Passing It Down Without Realizing It

As adults, many of us carried these same patterns into our relationships, workplaces, and even our parenting. I know I did. It wasn’t intentional—it was what we were taught, and so we repeated it.

The problem is, suppression doesn’t equal strength. Instead of building resilience, it delays healing. The emotions we refuse to face don’t disappear—they wait, unresolved, often showing up later in harmful ways.

There Has to Be a Better Way

Thankfully, there is. Change begins with giving ourselves—and our children—permission to feel.

We often welcome “positive” emotions like joy, laughter, or excitement. But sadness, anger, or fear? Those we tend to shut down. Yet the truth is: all emotions are natural. They’re signals, not threats. The discomfort of “negative” feelings doesn’t mean they’re wrong—it simply means we’re human.

Redefining “Good” and “Bad”

Emotions aren’t good or bad; they just are. The meaning we attach to them is what creates judgment.

• Sadness doesn’t make us weak.

• Anger doesn’t make us bad.

• Fear doesn’t make us broken.

They’re simply parts of being alive. What matters most is how we respond when these emotions show up. Avoiding them teaches disconnection. Facing them teaches resilience.

Choosing a Different Path

Breaking this cycle is not easy, especially when vulnerability was equated with weakness in our upbringing. But it’s possible. Here’s how we start:

• Allow yourself to feel fully. Let the heavy emotions be felt, not dismissed.

• Give permission to others. Show your children and loved ones it’s safe to express.

• Model healthy coping. Show that emotions can be handled in constructive ways—through conversation, reflection, or healthy outlets.

By doing so, we teach that emotions aren’t barriers—they’re tools. They help us connect, grow, and heal.

The Generational Shift

Breaking the cycle isn’t just about us. It’s about the generations that come after. Each time we choose to face rather than suppress, we teach our children a healthier way forward.

It’s never too late to change the story. Vulnerability is not weakness—it’s courage. And when we allow ourselves and our loved ones to feel, we plant seeds of resilience, compassion, and deeper connection for years to come.